House of Leaves

This will, quite possibly, be the only serious blog entry I will make.
    So I've just finished reading this book and you are now going to get a totally biased view on it. And honestly, I could not give a shit about your opinion because I have never come across a book as remotely captivating as this. I could not even begin to describe how the use of dynamics and graphology create such a huge impact upon the reader. I have never felt so emotionally attached to a fictional character before and have just recovered from completely bawling my eyes out. The claustrophobic, eerie atmosphere which envelops throughout is enough to unsettle me so much so, that my insomnia does not show any signs of improving in the near future. The fear of darkness and silence has heightened and sleeping with a nightlight no longer seems foolish or humiliating but instead just provides a false blanket of safety. I don't really know what to say honestly, I could probably write a whole book just about how brilliant this one is in a slightly melancholic way. As much as I want to force everyone into purchasing their own copy, it would make me feel somewhat selfish to impose such terror and anxiety amongst you. Or perhaps I am just being too close-minded in thinking everyone will endure the same impact the book had on me. Either way, Mark Danielewski has succeeded in creating a book of which it's elements do not simply leave you as you close the back-cover. Despite the warnings on various sites not to read this book as it will leave you questioning your own sanity along with the constant stalking of dread, I have finally read through those 709 pages of pure mind-bending talent to be left feeling slightly regretful but overall, amazed.
    Enough of this soppy love story between me and a book though, I whole-heartedly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys reading or even or you're just doubtful of how strong writing can actually be.

Now imagine just beyond your peripheral vision, maybe behind you, maybe to the side of you, maybe even in front of you, but right where you can't see it, something is quietly closing in on you, so quiet in fact you can only hear it as silence. Find those pockets without sound. That's where it is. Right at this moment. But don't look. Keep your eyes here. Now take a deep breath. Go ahead take an even deeper one. Only this time as you start to exhale try to imagine how fast it will happen, how hard it's gonna hit you, how many times it will stab your jugular with its teeth or are they nails?, don't worry, that particular detail doesn't matter, because before you have time to even process that you should be moving, you should be running, you should at the very least be flinging up your arms-you sure as hell should be getting rid of this book-you won't have time to even scream.

Setting off their alarms

I suddenly want to dye all my hair blue and get a smiley piercing. Hmm wat do.

    I have so much work to do and yet I have spent my entire weekend either browsing livejournal and youtube, or on the xbox. The only good outcome is that I have discovered quite a few new bands. Yey. Also I am dead tired as I only got about 3 hours last night since I was lucky enough to be plagued with nightmares from watching a bunch of gory and disturbing videos on youtube at 3am. Oh well. My hands still have a green tinge to them in certain spots, and I have black paint or eyeliner or something all around my cuticles but no matter what I do it does not seem to want to leave. Fuuu.  
    I simply canny wait for half term.


Edit 16:01: I am slightly concerned at how hilarious I find this:

    

Spending an evening in the most productive way possible.

So it seems I have to become an expert at trigonometrical functioning graphs, complete a past maths paper, evaluate why investment is so important for the economics of our country, and write about how language and power is portrayed in Session 12 of the english pack so generously given to us by tomorrow. It is currently 10:22pm and I have spent my evening pretty much in the exact same place staring at the exact same screen talking to the exact same person. Oh actually, I did sit on the bathroom floor for about 2 hours next to a tub filled with a green fabric watery dye substance stirring a pair of white gloves into it in some vain hope that the two would incorporate and result in the outcome of two perfect, tropical coloured gloves. Instead I am left with exactly what I started with. Two pure white gloves, perhaps a tint of green in the correct lighting. Whatever, I mean, two days notice to somehow conjure up a superhero outfit, no problem! None at all. Nope. Not here. Not in this household. Absolutely nada.
    So anyway talking to Hannah has made me hungry because I mistakingly typed "cbab" instead of "cba" and it reminded me of kebab. 
   So yeah well tomorrow I have to dress up as Robin which will be a ton of fun I dont even know why Im bothering look at this I cant even be fucked anymore it has taken me 20 minutes to write this fml. BAD MOOD.
I thought the colour red and the big text in bold really emphasized how I am currently feeling and portrayed the emotion in what I am trying to get across to you as an audience.
   Anyway like I learned from Rebecca Black, tomorrow is Friday, the preceding day is Thursday, the following day is Saturday and the next day in this sequence will be Sunday. FUN FUN FUN. 

Happy Pi Day

Now I defy a tenet gallantly

This Pi Clock tells time in radians

Of circle canon law: these integers
Importing circles' quotients are, we see,
Unwieldy long series of cockle burs
Put all together, get no clarity;
Mnemonics shan't describeth so reformed
Creating, with a grammercy plainly,
A sonnet liberated yet conformed.
Strangely, the queer'st rules I manipulate
Being followéd, do facilitate
Whimsical musings from geometric bard.
This poesy, unabashed as it's distressed,
Evolvéd coherent - a simple test,
Discov'ring poetry no numerals jarred.

I am baker.

So my sister has requested a rainbow cake with chocolate chips clustered into every bite, each layer to be separated by an artery-clogging amount of chocolate, all completely enveloped in butterscotch frosting. And to top it off she demands blood (disguised as cherry sauce) to be seeping out of a wound created by a shard of sugarglass embedded in the middle. This'll be a breeze.

OH. MY. GOD.

Beautiful Bugs Nature Puzzle

I am deeply enthused at the fact I may have to spend thanksgiving here.

An incredibly mind-stimulating activity in which your intellect and sorting skills are pushed to great extents in order to help these poor bugs return to their once complete state.

Your intelligence attains the grand summation of molecular motion at absolute zero.

Beauty Cookson

Or I prefer the term: The McLaugh-a-lock.
    This exquisitely rare species only appears once in a blue moon, and if you happen to stumble across one, consider yourself lucky. Only one sixth of the population will ever be blessed with the aura of this delightfully interesting specimen, the other will never experience such a life-changing encounter.
    Although perhaps hard to distinguish the McLaugh-a-lock from any human being, the key features to look out for are: incredible talent when it comes to mathematics (scientists have studied it's background and have concluded this comes from fellow ancestors becoming professional javlin participants, thus grew up around studying parabola's and how to ensure the javlin does not take a turn and land on the thrower's head), baking skills that appear to come naturally (the lucky few who have had the honour of trying the McLaugh-a-lock's famous gingerbread men have described the experience as "paradigm shifting" and "life-altering"), and of course, flawless trombone playing (listeners have claimed to of been deeply moved by the melodies produced, some even being reduced to having breakdowns as they come to realize the true meaning of life).

McLaugh-a-lock in her natural state.

    The McLaugh-a-lock can often be found in it's natural habitat, deep in the heart of a well-known kingdom of which is united. It has most frequently been geometrically spotted at an approx latitude of 50° 50' 31.779" (Degrees Minutes Seconds) and a longitude of 0° 13' 4.8678" (Degrees Minutes Seconds). Searching in these dense areas of land, it is not uncommon to stumble across an array of empty cups, branded "Shakeaway", of what appears to be traces of Terry's Chocolate Orange with minstrels, something scientists have stated to be a "claimed favourite" of the McLaugh-a-lock. Past explorers who have ventured furthur claim to of heard strange noises. They have accounted what sounds like "an out of this world, intergalatical war". Be it so, those whom of which have had the honour of getting close enough will soon realise it is not quite this extreme, but is simply the intonation emitted from one of her most valuable possessions: the Play Station 2. From this is where some of her most valuable lessons are learnt. The phrases in one of her most prized game, Jak, often provide educational gain to that of the player, this, scientists claim, is where many of her survival instincts and skills have originated from.
    Although there is a lot more to say on this subject, I will stop here and let you discover your own experience with this unique being. If in doubt, the positive aura of which shrouds you when in the presence of this individual is a sure sign you are in the right place. You will sense what others have only been able to describe as "an epiphany". Life as you know will forever be changed, and without reason, you will become one of us. Us of which being McLaugh-a-lockians. And you as an individual will hold the proud title of McLaugh-a-locker.

Know what I love?

College.
No words can express the sheer joy and happiness that eclipses me when I step through those two black doors of Cashmen at 8:30am five days a week.

Caeca fide

Well it appears I have broken the laptop charger and so the battery life will never be higher than at 32%. I'm quite sure my sister will be pleased to hear this spiffing piece of news. So anyway I was up until 3am last night and my mother, being so kind, generously woke me up at 8am today and of course we have to go to my step-sisters house for her ever so delicious cooking. I have a headache I'm tired my eyes sting I'm grumpy and pissed off. I could not be any happier than I am at this exact moment in time. 

Anyway, Hannah's raging on skype earlier made me laff k bye.

Oh the joys.

Never before have I ever felt this motivated to study after reading my simply glorious and outstanding report! It's like saying, "HEY YOU'RE CERTAIN TO FAIL THE EXAM NO MATTER WHAT! TAKE IT ANYWAY SO YOU CAN BE RIDDLED WITH DISAPPOINTMENT IN THE AUTUMN!" Gee I am super excited and to celebrate I think I will spend my day on the xbox, educating myself on how to play a makeshift guitar by performing gigs and becoming virtually famous.

Colon left bracket

I am loving this. The importance which plagues me in that I know everyone will want to follow my blog!1!!11


btw my dear friend Hannah must never forget the wise words given to her from the ever so insightful game which is Jak 2: SHOOT NOW. ASK QUESTIONS LATER.








21:57 Edit: I do love Hannah silently serenading me over Skype.